Shame & The Inner Critic
Most people have some version of an inner critic: the voice that tells you, sometimes loudly, that you're falling short, not doing enough, or not being who you're supposed to be.
Depending on its style, it can leave you feeling pretty awful.
What You’ve Probably Already Tried
No one likes being criticized, so it makes sense that most people try to silence their inner critic. That might look like distraction (scrolling, staying busy, keeping your mind anywhere else), numbing (disconnecting from your feelings altogether), bargaining (searching for evidence you're doing fine to counter it), arguing back (telling it to shut up or stand down), moving the goalpost (deciding you don't care about whatever it's criticizing, so the failure doesn't count), or giving in (working harder and pushing further until its judgment supposedly runs out of ammunition).
These strategies are logical, and they can work, for a while. The inner critic tends to come back louder, though, and you can end up stuck in a cycle of shame, resentment, and self-criticism that feels impossible to escape. Pushing harder doesn't fix it. Giving up doesn't either.
Why Fighting it Doesn’t Work
As counterintuitive as it sounds, the way through is usually toward the inner critic, not away from it. Getting to know it, without being overwhelmed by it or letting it run the show, is often where real freedom starts.
Your inner critic can feel severe, relentless, even cruel. It's not called the inner bunny, after all. But underneath the harshness is usually a protective function. No part of you developed by mistake, and your inner critic likely formed for a reason: to keep you safe from criticism, rejection, or failure by getting there first.
The Origin Story
Inner critics don't all share the same origin story. Some form around academic or athletic pressure, where performance felt like the price of approval. Others take shape in homes where a caregiver was critical, perfectionistic, or withheld warmth until you got things right. Still others develop in any environment where love or safety felt conditional, where getting it right felt safer than getting it wrong.
Whatever its specific origin, your inner critic developed as a strategy: a way to stay ahead of criticism, rejection, or failure by delivering the judgment first, before anyone else could.
Working Through This Together
This work isn't about silencing your inner critic for good. It's about understanding what it's protecting you from, so it doesn't have to work so hard to keep you in line.
Ready to Talk?
Grab a time below and we’ll talk about what’s bringing you in.